Swearing off KFC forever...

The rain had us venturing off into unfamiliar territory today. Trudging for hours in howling winds and violent rain, we finally found shelter in a shabby shed called Lougheed Town Centre. Cold, shivering, and weakened by hunger, we desperately searched for food to reinvigorate our souls. Soul food...

When fried chicken meets the sight of a famished frugal man, there is no turning back. His fervent desire is insatiable, especially upon reading the sign "KFC: $5.99 for 3 pieces of chicken plus frahs".

What happened next left him speechless and in tears...

"What is this shit?!" he exclaimed. We closely examined the specimen, a drumstick so miniature that we suspect it was a frog leg in disguise. The "thigh" was hardly bigger, a crusty layer of skin enclosing hollow bones. Nevertheless, the man is overcome with hunger and tore ravenously into the mystery meat.

It took mere seconds to devour this plate of madness (10 bites-worth). It left him feeling both hungry and a bit disgusted with himself knowing that he ate a plate of wing-lets or .. child chicken...

Even the KFC worker was so ashamed of this product that he stealthily slipped in an additional "drumstick" without saying a word.

Nevertheless, the man was inconsolable, as he slowly stumbled away, hungry and dejected. 

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Beware of Food-porn: Looks can be deceiving

Above is a picturesque reflection of a smorgasbord of sweet flavours and sensations, a delightfully refreshing blend of deliciously fresh mango and creamy rich vanilla topped with a sloppy drizzle of tangy mango sawce, YUM right?

WRONG.

Actually…. This mango shaved ice from Mango Yummy was seriously un-yummy. The outer layer consists of a generous portion of unripe mango, the rubbery near-frozen texture and tartness of which could not be saved by the sweet sawce that it was drenched in. The inner layer consists of pellets of hail-sized shaved ice that could not be ingested without thorough chewing with your teeth (not recommended by dentists). The (3^rd-party manufactured) vanilla ice-cream was fine but that’s not the point.

The point is, there's no short supply of sexy food-porny photos out there, but do they really reflect quality of taste/sensation or are they just well-packaged duds? I'm looking for the inner substantive beauty. #innerbeautycounts.

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There's a new Dosa Factory in town

"Dosa Factory is the real deal." So I've been told by my Indian counterparts who are subject matter experts on the topic of Indian Food. To rival the well-established dosa joint, House of Dosas on Kingsway, Dosa Factory opened up.... a few doors down! What a bad-ass. They also price-matched the Monday $5.99 dosa deal. WIN for all of us!

Instead of taking advantage of the Monday $5.99 deal, we somehow ended up going on a Tuesday and paid nearly double the price, because one simply cannot wait around with Indian cravings!

Pictured above was my dosa combo, part of the Tuesday $9.99 special.  The special consists of any dosa of your choice (Mine was chicken, well hidden under the dosa wrap), a vada (donut thinger), an idly (white rice cake), and a lentil (?) soup. The amount of carbs in this meal was unbelievable. I had to unbutton my pants to finish half the dosa.

First of all, this is still a good deal even if it's not $5.99. There was a fair amount of chicken in the dosa. However, as for the "donut" and "rice cake", I'd say, they're unnecessary. They come with little flavour (you gotta use the dip sawce) and they primarily serve the purpose of making you more full which would be great in a zombie apocalypse. The soup was light and tasty.

My companion had a crepe-like dosa (pictured above) which I think was the "Madrasi style special dosa" with special chutney and masala. I had a bite of it, which offered an explosion of flavours. Logistically, it was much more manageable to eat a crepe-shaped dosa.  She devoured it within minutes. I still think I got more "stuff" in my dosa. A better bang (for the buck). Size matters (for value).

Another friend ordered an indo-chinese fried rice, which she really didn't care for. Lesson learned: stick to Indian food at Indian restaurants!

Overall, the experience at Dosa Factory was positive, if only the service wasn't SO DAMN SLOW! It took us 30 mins to flag down a server to order our food, and there were only 2 other groups in the restaurant at the time.

On a side note, my throat felt so dry after eating the dosa. MSG? Spice overload?

Food quality:  5/5 I can't pick faults with Indian food
Service: 2/5 too slow
Ambience: 3/5 diner style joint
Value: 5/5 great value, especially on Mondays

http://dosafactoryvancouver.com/

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3-hour-long dining extravaganza at Le Crododile

(Belated) A night out at Le Crocodile filled with delectable lactose-filled goodness.

Valentines Day is undeniably one of those holidays that incite the deepest fears among men, not because they are incapable of delivering solidly convincing romantic expression, but because wallets (among other things) shrivel upon paying for the now-standard "vday dinner menu". Meanwhile, restauranteurs rejoice after waiting all year for this occasion to make a killing.

Word around town is that Hawksworth delivered the biggest "rip-off" with a $158/pp menu. Miku, a close second at $125/pp.

My jaws dropped when Vic took us to Le Crocodile for a multi-course dinner at Le Crocodile. "$98?! That's too rip-off, lets go home!". "This is to make up for the crappy food and snooty waiters we tolerated in Paris", he said. I obliged.

We arrived at 8:30pm for the "second seating" of the night.

8:45pm-- First up, a creamy mushroom truffle tart, not officially on the menu. I promptly popped my lactase pills (Asian problems), upon good judgement. The tart was a balanced blend of creamy delight, aromatic truffle, and tiny mushroom bits. I devoured it in a few seconds. 5/5

9:00pm--no sign of any food being brought out from the kitchen. "they must be behind schedule". We joked around about our bosses and coworkers in the meantime.

9:15pm --A sigh of relief when we saw foie gras creme brulee and duck proscuitto. THYME TO EAT! oh wait. Too much lactose. I donated my foie gras to Vic, to his delight. A small taste of it rendered a savoury rich buttery-smooth meaty flavour. After he finished both foie gras, I asked for his comments, to which he said "it was pretty good". The duck proscuitto was served on a crispy baguette with a generous portion of marmalade. I was 3-bites-deep into the proscuitto when I realised the flavourful marmalade was made of onions, my mortal enemy. The onion flavour was slightly over-powering.  3/5

9:30pm --My stomach was growling "FEED ME DAMNIT", but no sign of the next dish. We joked around about the latest Donald Trump news.

 9:45pm--A warm plate of asparagus and prawn salad topped with an egg was finally delivered. I appreciated the effort to serve cooked vegetables as I was never one to enjoy cold salads. The mildly savoury flavour of the prawns and asparagus paired well with the arugula and balsamic reduction. Didn't care too much for the egg and feta cheese as they seemed out of place. 4.5/5

10:00pm --Still waiting for the real deal. We were quickly running out of people to joke around about.

10:15pm--Finally! A beautifully plated dish of scallop (big thing on top), sable fish, and pasta swimming in buttery sawce. Scallop was cooked medium-rare and grilled lightly on the outside. The natural sweet flavours of the scallop speaks for itself. Sable fish was moist, with a smoky grill taste, and crumbled softly under my fork. The thick butter sauce was too rich for my liking so I had to skip out on most of the pasta. 4/5

His lambchop and tenderloin looked scrumptious from a distance. He commented "it was pretty good".

10:30pm-- We observed, uncomfortably, an older Asian couple at a nearby table exhibiting extreme PDA with a case of Roman Hands.

10:45pm: A mini scoop of passion fruit sorbet was served.  It was smooth and tasted like passionfruit... bubbletea.... which reminded me that I have never tasted real passion fruit. A welcome palette cleanser nontheless. 5/5

11:00pm: The finishing move: trio of desserts (Strawberry souffle, black forest truffle cake, and rasberry coconut cream tart). Souffle--as expected, light and airy. Black forest cake--not overly sweet, not too dense, rich nevertheless with chocolate truffles. Tart--surprisingly refreshing choice of sweet coconut cream paired with a sour fruit. 5/5

Overall:

Food: 4/5 --Overall a well thought out menu.
Ambience: 4/5 Old fashioned, simple, bistro style decor.
Service: 3/5 The whole meal took nearly 3 hours, with 30 mins of waiting between each course. Otherwise, service was attentive.
Value for Money: 4/5 Not terribly overpriced considering the amount of food and the occasion.

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Royal Seafood Restaurant 粤海山庄...Never Again

It's Sunday morning, which naturally means Dim Sum time for the typical Chinese person living in Richmond. Vic and I venture off to the nearest dim sum hang out, Royal Seafood Restaurant 粤海山庄 in Blundell Plaza in Richmond. We've been here once in the past but the experience was utterly unmemorable, so we decided to refresh our memories.

This second experience was unforgettable.

(Pictured top to bottom: Chinese donut in rice roll (炸两），chrysanthemum and goji berry jello (杞子桂花糕），golden seafood shrimp dumpling with "con" (corn?) (富贵黄金果）, shrimp and pea tip dumpling (鲜虾痘苗饺）, and egg tofu with enoki mushrooms and sliced carrots (双菇玉子豆腐）.)

Everything looks fine right? WRONG.

Fried egg tofu, as we know it, should be gently fried on the outside but silky smooth on the inside, a gift from the heavens. This egg tofu was scorched from the fires of Mordor. The texture of the outside layer is so rough that you'd think you're eating fried chicken.

As for the Chinese donut in rice roll, the pictures say it all. After eating away the end pieces, we revealed the hollow rock-hard inner pieces that were literally inedible. They were also fried to a crisp brittle colour of brown, which alludes to the level of chaffing that the top of my mouth suffered as I chomped down. It still hurts as f.

At this point, we waved down a waitress, who promptly responded curtly in Cantonese "What do you want?" We explained that the Chinese donut rice roll was inedible and she proceeded to explain that "this is how it is meant to be". We insisted that this is an unacceptable standard of service and after some grumbling, the waitress gave us a 10% off our bill.

As for the others:

Chrysanthemum and goji berry jello: very low on the flavour. It tasted like slightly sweetened gelatinous goo.

Golden seafood shrimp dumpling with "con" (corn?): Not good.. The taste of green onion in the dumplings were over powering. Generally you would not find green onion in steamed shrimp dumplings.

Shrimp and pea tip dumpling: This was the only saving grace of the meal. The dumpling skin was the right elasticity and the shrimp tasted fresh and bouncy. At $2 a piece, I would've expected as much.

The damage was done and our lesson is learned. We wouldn't be coming back.

On a side note, "Royal Dance Club"? Is that the actual business name?

Vic was trying to wave hi from the other side of the hollow steel crusts of the donut roll.

Food Quality:     1/5 - Inedible
Service:      1/5 - Dismissive and at times rude
Ambience:       3/5 - Festive.. in the Chinese sense if you could call it that.

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